No Really, It's my JOB....

Inspired by the awesome weather and feeling optimistic that the sun will be making more appearances, I took the day to scout out some locations for photography sessions. There are several parks that I had never been to and wanted to check out. This, of course, means hiking the trails... and I might as well bring my own dogs! So I grabbed my camera and off we went... Found some excellent spots to add to my list of location suggestions...







We are always looking for locations that work well, whether for dogs or people. If you have a favorite spot we'd love to hear about it so we can check it out.




www.tonyaperme.com

The Season is Upon Us....

Happy Anniversary!

Happy Anniversary!.... It's hard to believe that little Biella has been with us for a whole year now!... But it's even harder to believe what an important roll she's played in our lives the past few months. Her enthusiasm, love and spirit far surpass her 5lb body. She brought us comfort through our loss of Bodhi and reminded us that there is joy even in sorrowful times. How lucky we are!

The Inevitable....

There’s a thin line between acting too soon and waiting too long. This past month I have done my best to be realistic about what to expect. I tried to be strong. I have tried to be brave. But it is here. “The Time”. Now the tears are flowing. I knew it was coming. But it is unfairly soon. Today Bodhi was unable to pass any bowel movements. That is how this cancer works. It does not slowly decay his body and spirit. His appetite is still good, but the amount going in is not the amount coming out. I’ve watched him strain to produce less and less. I hoped it was my imagination. But it is not. And there is nothing more I, or his vets, can do.

He is now uncomfortable. Toxic is next. I don’t want him to suffer. He has been brave and stoic, loving and comforting. Even tonight, he wants to take my sadness and worries away.

I watch him now, as he is resting this final evening with me… I think he knows. I think he has no fear, unlike myself full of fear. Overwhelmed. How will I survive watching his final breath. My heart already aches too much. My tears won’t stop. But somehow beneath all my grief is gratitude. He has been a loving and loyal friend. I believe Bodhi was meant to be in my life. He has taught me so much and given me so much joy and love. I will thank him for being in my life. For each and every moment spent with him.

By the time anyone reads this Bodhi’s sweet soul will be free…. Free of the aches and pains that plague his body tonight.

A Bodhi Update....

Thank you to everyone for your support! There are so many people asking for updates that I thought I'd better make an update...

Bodhi is in excellent spirits, has a healthy appetite and good bowel movements (I only mention that because I anticipate that to be the next hurdle). I have had a chance to 'digest' the events of the last week and am feeling calmer and more accepting of the situation (until it changes, of course). I actually had an animal communicator session yesterday and it was interesting. According to her, Bodhi is in no pain and has no complaints about all that is going on. Although she says his heart aches, for me. Bodhi wants to get back to our routine (longer walks! which were restricted due to his torn ligament, which seems to have healed nicely on it's own). Everything she said rang very true and there were no 'revelations', only some useful information like he needs to pee more frequently than I am aware of and he would like tastier food. Also worth noting, she asked him if he had cancer and he said no. Hmmnnn... food for thought there... we are definitely going to seek a second opinion from a holistic based doctor. In the meantime, he is doing very well!

I am also wishing I were a more domesticated woman these days and that I would have learned to sew! I've been struggling to make him an outfit (for lack of a better term) that protects the catheter and allows him to NOT wear the e-collar (which cuts right into the sore on his neck - ouch!). After several modifications and a huge learning curve he now sports his new get-up... :-)

Thank you for checking in on us! For those of you curious or interested in the animal communicator her name is Barbara Martin. Her email is nugget@sbcglobal.net and her web site is http://www.animalcommunicationplus.com.

The Waiting...

They say that waiting is the hardest part. There's even a song about it. But I'm not sure. The hardest part is imagining life without a loved one. The most disappointing part is hearing at the end of the waiting that the test is "inconclusive". There could be more tests, a biopsy would tell us conclusively that cancer of the prostate is the issue. A biopsy is an invasive procedure, the results of which do not alter the end. Having been told that prostate cancer does not retreat from radiation or other treatments with much success we will not be going down that road.

No more tests. No biopsy.

The pressure from the enlarged prostate has blocked Bodhi's urethra, which means he is not able to pee. For now, an in-dwelling catheter will allow the urine to pass without daily visits to the veterinary office. This buys us a little time with him.

Who knows when the next hurdle will occur. There certainly was a wave of relief knowing that I would not have to make that unthinkable decision in the next few days. I don't know if it will be weeks, months or, dare I think it, a year but having been faced with the reality of losing him every minute longer is a bonus.

When I first adopted Bodhi I knew that the lifespan of a large breed was not as long as the smaller dog breeds. I hoped for a long and healthy life. Whenever I saw those rickety, lumpy bumpy dogs wobbling down the sidewalk I would hope that someday Bodhi would be so lucky. That I would be so lucky. To have shared a lifetime. Thoughts of the slow pace of a senior canine warmed my heart. Bodhi has had such fantastic health I got my hopes up. Those hopes have come crashing down.

Now, each moment is precious. His spirit is good. He's still very "Bodhi". I will savour him. And our time left together.

The hardest part.... is knowing there is nothing I can do.

The Beginning of the End?...

It's inevitable, isn't it? Dogs simply have a shorter lifespan that humans, so even if they live out a long and full life, it feels too short. When I first adopted Bodhi, he was approximately a year old. I told myself then not too expect much more than 8 years with him since he is a "large breed". Well, our 7 years together have flown by. It has been in the back of my mind that he is approaching that dreaded age that I had previously put in my head, but his health has always been perfect and we've lead an active lifestyle. On a semi-regular basis we would run the trails in Redwood Park up to 3 times a week. It really is his happy place. I've always loved watching him zip around, sniffing, peeing, and saying hello to all the different dogs on the trail. He just loves it. I love that.

The first "blow" came last November when he was diagnosed with some arthritis in his spine around his hips. But that we could deal with. A little medication. A slower pace. Fine.

Then, this January a simple hike ended with a limping Bodhi. Pulled a muscle? Overdid it, I thought. But with no improvement a vet visit revealed he had torn his CCL (ligament, right rear knee). Hmmnn... That's not good for sure. The $5,000 surgery was just not in the budget, plus after talking with several owners who had gone through it with their dogs I found both pros and cons to that option. I'd wait for a bit to make the decision. Perhaps his running days were over. That seems reasonable. We could still hike. And after 6 months he's walking with an even gait.

Right around that same time a sore developed on his shoulder. Hot spots. He'd had those before. Fine. But it didn't go away, in fact, it didn't even get better. Just worse. Concurrently he seemed to lose his appetite, he'd strain to have mushy stools, he'd strain to pee, he needed to go for potty walks more than twice his normal routine. Okay.... something is "up". The voice in the back of the head said it would not be good news. But we don't really want to think about that! Do we?!....

Yes, the sore tested positive for round cell tumor. Could be bad. May or may not be related to the other issues going on. I think it's time for a second opinion here.

In the meantime, yesterday, he was unable to urinate at all. Today, all we know is that it is an inflamed prostate. But since he's a neutered male the chances are most likely that it is prostate cancer. Cancer..... Is that the voice in the back of my head again? No, it's the vet. I'm trying very hard not to jump ahead here. Medicine is one step at a time. One agonizingly slow step at a time. So we are, at this moment, waiting for the cell aspiration cytology. "By Monday or maybe sooner".... Tick Tock, Tick Tock....

This cancer, the vet said, does not have a good prognosis. She said more, used bigger words. But my head was spinning. So that is how I say it now. He was started on a medication that "may buy him a little time" by reducing the inflammation. But it won't get rid of the cancer.

Officially, Bodhi has not been diagnosed with cancer. But I can't help but wonder if I will be faced with making a decision about his life in the next week. I am not ready for that. I mean, on the outside it's just that he can't pee. And although he has mellowed he is not a sickly dog. He's just old. That is what I think. What I want to think. But the vet and the tests and this reality... they are sounding like that voice in the back of my head. The one I've been trying so hard to ignore.

Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. "Monday or maybe sooner" seems an eternity away. I am so emotional. I want to make decisions based on fact. I want to be clear headed. I'm not though. I'm sad.

And I'm beginning to wonder if little Biella, full of life and love and enthusiasm beyond, came into our lives to soften this blow. I don't know how much time I have left with Bodhi. My soulmate dog. It could be one week, it could be years. But when the inevitable comes, it will be quite a blow.

Buddies

Maxima became fast friends with Biella when she joined our family last September. Even though the first time they met Biella ran circles around Maxima ! Within a month they were wrestling, chasing and cuddling. This was a snap I got with my phone camera of them during a nap...

Maxima

Maxima seems to like rituals. Every morning she goes over to Bodhi and he licks her ears and cleans her up. Then she meanders over to this stool and surveys the land below. The window faces the Port of Oakland. The last place we lived was ground level on a fairly busy foot traffic street in the Jack London District of Oakland. I swear she had a fan club! People would always stop to say hello to the kitty in the window! In fact, some people visited her daily and if she didn't make her appearance I would find notes on my door from complete strangers expressing concern about where the kitty was! Maxima loved the attention. When we first moved here I felt bad that she would not have the same window world of our last place since we are now in a third floor level loft. But she seems very happy. She watches the action in the port, the cars and trains below and even birds flying by. She smells the air. This is one of her happy places.

Valencia - The Beginning

I never really liked orange cats. In fact, I preferred the small sleek black kitties. So when I found a teeny-tiny orange tabby kitten hiding in the tires of a truck on a busy San Francisco street (Valencia St) one evening my thought was that I would get him healthy and find him a good home. Especially since I already had 3 cats, 3 small sleek black cats. I didn't realize yet that I had actually stumbled upon a soulmate.

Maxima loves her Bodhi!

When I am setting up for a studio portrait session I often have Bodhi come 'sit in' so I am able see if I have the lighting is how I want it. He's a pro at being a test subject for me. So much so that when I begin to set up he immediately goes right to the 'spot' and lays down. He gets rewarded for his services with crunchy dog cookies. Maxima likes to nibble on the crumbs that he makes. This particular day she jumped up next to him and just started lovin on him!... What can I say?! Maxima loves her Bodhi!....

Valencia

I am often asked how I came to specialize in 'pet portraiture'... and although I have always had a passion for photography and strong connection with animals, I think the two really merged when my cat Valencia was diagnosed with cancer. We had a very special connection. I had a gazillion snapshots of him. But I had a panicky feeling that I wanted something 'deeper', something more of his essence that I could remember him by in photos. So I spent the last 6 months of his life documenting him, and all the little 'parts' that I wanted to remember. As we'd lay there I would think "how will I remember this little wet nose, or the how he tucks when he sleeps"...

I believe that is where my passion for abstract 'pet parts' emerged, not just pet portraits. I love doing portraits, but I believe that those little parts speak to those of us that love our pets. The ears, the nose, the eyes, the tail, the paws... We feel them in these photos.

Maxima

In all fairness, I should mention our cat, Maxima. She joined the family about 5 years ago as a tiny little feral kitten. She was sleeping in the engine of a car that was parked in front of my place and when Bodhi and I walked by it his ears perked right up. Seeing the confused look on my face, a neighbor said that she thought a kitten was in the car. Okay... Kitten IN the ENGINE?!... With no luck, I spent the next 6 hours trying to coax her out with what I thought were tasty offerings. I even placed notes and drawings on the engine in case the owner returned. I finally convinced the local mechanic to open the hood (shhhh!). When it popped open, there she was all curled up in a ball and HISSING like a big girl. Unconvinced of her might, I scooped her right up. She was covered in grease and FLEAS, hundreds of them all over her face like a little blood-sucking army. Gross. My hands became black just carrying her into my place.

Bodhi had shown some high prey drive on our hikes so I presented her to him with caution. "You be nice to this little kitty!" I ordered. At which point, my 85lb Male Rottweiler's MATERNAL instincts kicked in and he obsessively wanted to lick and clean her! I washed her up and he started licking her all over, playing close attention to the inside of her ears and little 'behind' (which I had apparently not cleaned well enough). She immediately became inseperable from Bodhi. Following him, napping with him, eating with him and greeting him with pure joy every time we'd return from the outside world.

I hadn't planned on keeping her, just getting her healthy and finding a good home. You've heard that before, I know. But seeing how she and Bodhi bonded warmed my heart. I think she believes she is a Rottweiler. She has no fear of dogs and loathes any cat that dare come into her stratosphere. Starting out as a feral, she gets zero pleasure out of being pet. Can you believe it? A cat that does NOT want to be touched! She just loves her dogs. I joke that I have a dog, and he has a cat.... Anyway... that's how Ms. Maxima came to join our family... from the engine of a Nissan Maxima...

Biella

In September of 2008, I had my photography booth set up at the Bay Area Pet Fair (ie: WORKING, not looking!) and this little one stole our hearts!.... We had to wait until Monday to adopt her from the Berkeley East Bay Humane... she is full of spunk and moxie and fits right into our family here!... We think we have settled on the name "Biella" which is Italian for piston rod.... Who knew so much personality could fit into such a tiny little body! We also call her "Chiwi", "Chiwa", “Piccolina”..... “Biella Piccolina”, what a long name for such a little girl!...

Bodhi likes little dogs and has taken to her as we expected. Luckily, our cat has no fear of dogs. In fact, they are best buds! Chasing and wrestling with each other.

It's like she's been here forever! We adore her!

Bodhi

Six years ago while I still lived in Manhattan, I was looking on petfinder.com for a dog. I knew I wanted a Rottie and I searched for almost 10 months to find the right dog. One day I found a listing that caught my eye, a female. When I got to the shelter they told me she had been euthanized that morning. While I was waiting for confirmation on this (I had the hope she had been moved or adopted) I noticed another dog, whose “time” at the shelter had already been extended. His intense gaze and goofy face struck me and I soon realized that HE was the dog I was actually meant to find!

This 75lb, one year old, intact male Rottweiler (mix?) got in the Taxi with me. I named him Bodhi (after a favorite books store in LA; Bodhi Tree Books). Having been a stray and spending nearly a month in the little cage, he had need of lots of training. I did my research and we trained diligently. At some point during his first year with me he seemed to transform from into a big ol goofy lovebug! Manhattan was like bootcamp for dog training (anything that COULD happen, did). We soon moved to California where we enjoy the trails of Redwood Park in the Oakland hills.

Looking back, I feel certain that fate took over in order to get me to that shelter that day to rescue him at the 11th hour. Some would say he’s a lucky dog, but I feel I am the truly luck one! I am grateful for him every single day!

Do you "Dogster"?

If you haven’t heard of the web site Dogster, go check it out!

A fun place to “meet” other dogs and get some good dog information; like this article Economic Crisis Means Trouble for Shelters.

Bodhi and Biella are both Dogster stars, of course!

Bodhi & Biella - The 2008 Holiday Card

This photo was taken just days after Biella joined our family! She and Bodhi got along perfectly right from the beginning, so comfortable that she is sitting on his foot! And no one seems to mind....