Thursday, July 2, 2009

The Inevitable....

There’s a thin line between acting too soon and waiting too long. This past month I have done my best to be realistic about what to expect. I tried to be strong. I have tried to be brave. But it is here. “The Time”. Now the tears are flowing. I knew it was coming. But it is unfairly soon. Today Bodhi was unable to pass any bowel movements. That is how this cancer works. It does not slowly decay his body and spirit. His appetite is still good, but the amount going in is not the amount coming out. I’ve watched him strain to produce less and less. I hoped it was my imagination. But it is not. And there is nothing more I, or his vets, can do.

He is now uncomfortable. Toxic is next. I don’t want him to suffer. He has been brave and stoic, loving and comforting. Even tonight, he wants to take my sadness and worries away.

I watch him now, as he is resting this final evening with me… I think he knows. I think he has no fear, unlike myself full of fear. Overwhelmed. How will I survive watching his final breath. My heart already aches too much. My tears won’t stop. But somehow beneath all my grief is gratitude. He has been a loving and loyal friend. I believe Bodhi was meant to be in my life. He has taught me so much and given me so much joy and love. I will thank him for being in my life. For each and every moment spent with him.

By the time anyone reads this Bodhi’s sweet soul will be free…. Free of the aches and pains that plague his body tonight.

1 comment:

  1. Hey Tonya I'm sorry to hear about Bodhi. I only met him once, but knew right away how much he meant to you.