Monday, June 8, 2009

The Waiting...

They say that waiting is the hardest part. There's even a song about it. But I'm not sure. The hardest part is imagining life without a loved one. The most disappointing part is hearing at the end of the waiting that the test is "inconclusive". There could be more tests, a biopsy would tell us conclusively that cancer of the prostate is the issue. A biopsy is an invasive procedure, the results of which do not alter the end. Having been told that prostate cancer does not retreat from radiation or other treatments with much success we will not be going down that road.

No more tests. No biopsy.

The pressure from the enlarged prostate has blocked Bodhi's urethra, which means he is not able to pee. For now, an in-dwelling catheter will allow the urine to pass without daily visits to the veterinary office. This buys us a little time with him.

Who knows when the next hurdle will occur. There certainly was a wave of relief knowing that I would not have to make that unthinkable decision in the next few days. I don't know if it will be weeks, months or, dare I think it, a year but having been faced with the reality of losing him every minute longer is a bonus.

When I first adopted Bodhi I knew that the lifespan of a large breed was not as long as the smaller dog breeds. I hoped for a long and healthy life. Whenever I saw those rickety, lumpy bumpy dogs wobbling down the sidewalk I would hope that someday Bodhi would be so lucky. That I would be so lucky. To have shared a lifetime. Thoughts of the slow pace of a senior canine warmed my heart. Bodhi has had such fantastic health I got my hopes up. Those hopes have come crashing down.

Now, each moment is precious. His spirit is good. He's still very "Bodhi". I will savour him. And our time left together.

The hardest part.... is knowing there is nothing I can do.

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